Exposure Don't Pay The Bills.

Cheap asses piss me off. Now I know I'm a cheap ass too when it comes to things like supplies and food. But I mean people who want people to do things for free. I don't mean volunteering. That is something different. I mean people who want you to work for free for exposure. Hey exposure don't pay my bills. GET A CLUE PEOPLE!

They write ads like these looking for free work.

"Beautiful Models Needed

Lovely beautiful models needed to pose for pictures. I'm really classy. There is no pay but you can build your portfolio."

"Looking for a cartoonist

I need a cartoonist to help promote my pizza food truck. I cannot pay you, but you will get all the pizza you can eat and a lot of exposure."

Thanks. Pizza can really pay my phone bill.

Everyday they are Shufflin' (until tax season is over)

I saw a lmfao box head person in a partial statue of liberty costume. (they were one of those sign wavers) I would have fashioned a crude looking crown to the box to make it more in tune with the dress code. It's in violation of the dress code not to wear the crown. Maybe they (the boss) thought the box head would garner more attention? They were also doing some kind of strange dance move. I'm not sure what it was because I'm not hip anymore, and up on the latest dance moves. The last dance I learned was the train dance that went along with that Quad City DJs song "C'mon 'N Ride it (the train)"

I was going to take their picture, but when I looked down the street they were gone.

Here is a crude paint rendition of what I saw.

Everyday they are shufflin'. I can't believe I made a reference to LMFAO in my blog! :O

Their job will be over in a few days. Tax season is ending soon.

I better work on a routine for next year in case I need a job. I'm not telling what it is. I don't want people copying me. But includes no box heads. That is a give away.

Bargain Ham

I thought I bought a bargain ham for $8.20, but the price tag on the ham was wrinkled. It really said $18.20. I has so hard to read even the cashier couldn't read it. Here is a picture of the deceptive ham price. Oh well I learned next time to carefully read the price on a "bargain" ham.

My dad was getting mad because I don't want to go out with him for job hunting. I was thinking "I'm going to go out and look for jobs with you again to even hurt my chances more than my record of lack of experience?"

Maybe Robots Could Help

I had to go see my worker again. To prevent myself from falling asleep waiting. I was listening to some Garbage.

I got a flier from them to be a poll worker. The people who work the polls are idiots!

This happened to me before I was trying to vote after I had moved to a new city in the same county. They told me to go back to the city I use to live in to vote. It would be really absurd if somebody came from another state. This would be their conversation.

Voter: I'm here to vote please give me a provincial ballot.

Poll Worker: Where did you live?

Voter: Salem, Maine

Poll Worker: Well you can't vote here. You need to go back to Maine and vote.

Voter: But I moved to California.

Poll Worker: (sighs) Fine! (unenthusiastically) Take this.

It would be a great job for me! I can be an incompetent jerk!

They gave me a flier for a job fair, but I'm not going to that. Like I said before they are depressing, and there is most likely nothing for me. They are usually cluttered with staffing agencies anyway.

They told me to use snagajob. That website sucks! Plus they sold my info to those telemarketers. I'm going to try and tell everybody I can not to use that website; unless they want their info sold.

They are trying to put a bandage on a broken leg. They think they are helping, but it's really doing nothing.

They want me to get training in something like a nurse. I can't be a nurse! You gotta learn a lot of stuff and memorize anatomy. And all the body parts have strange names an ear is not an ear. I think it has some Latin name that they refer to it. I remember they taught that class at my high school, and a lot of the people who took it had a hard time memorizing all the terms. It'd probably be like that Family Guy where they all vomit. The thing I really don't want to happen to me is that I train for some career and then there is nobody hiring in that field. That happened to my dad.

They also said for me to be a live in care worker. I can't lift people. They are heavy! I could possibly lift a medium sized dog. Too bad we can't use robots like they do in Japan to lift people. They said to ask people I know for jobs or leads. If I knew people I would probably have a job by now.

It's like what the guidance counselor told me a few years ago about being a nurse. I'm smart enough to know I don't have the personality for that.

I loathe going there! Every time I go it just makes me more angry!

Sneaky Snake!

The people are real sneaky snakes! They mumble on the phone so people can't get their names while looking for jobs.

I should shout it to people like that character from Madtv played by Michael Mcdonald (not the singer)
Like this skit:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txu1Z0FpKkE

This is what I hear "Hello thisistardcafepleplspeaking". What they are sneakily saying is "Hello this is The Red cafe Penelope speaking". When you ask them to repeat what they said they get mad and/or hang up.

Although this is a good tip when I get a job because I'll do the same fucking thing. I'm going to protect the job I have once I get one. I'll even go as far to defend the company on the internet.

Soured on this Place

I went back to the staffing agency there was nobody else there. At first I thought I was the victim of a prank or something. Or it was some kind of hazing ritual for new people who sign up for the agency. Until somebody who works there tells me that I got an automated message and there is no need for me to even be there. I was getting more soured my the minute.

People are right the chorus of "Blood for Poppies" does get stuck in your head. It was stuck in my head when I was cooking. That happens to me a lot. Songs that are stuck in my head come out when I'm cooking food.

My dad is such a helicopter! Seriously I'd be better off if I was parented by an actual helicopter! At least that is inanimate. Just let me do a job search and don't FUCKING MEDDLE!

It's like Goat Cheese

I went to a staffing agency. Was sort of soured on the idea of it since I read all this bad stuff online about staffing agencies like they post fake job ads and they take people's information.

But I thought I should treat it like goat cheese, and try it first before I see if I like it or don't. I say about being open minded. I wrote about it before.

They were showing a safety video in Spanish. I was hoping there would be some nightmare fuel or some silly safety stuff. But there wasn't even any of that. I couldn't date the video. I want to say anywhere between 1995-2000.

The computer had a broken monitor. They said I could use it. They supplemented the broken monitor by using a projector. But they wanted me to put in personal information. I didn't want to sound like a bitch there, but I was not going to do that. Let some other idiot do that.

The person before me took a long time using the working computer for the personality test, but I know how to ace it now. I got a perfect score. Tip: just don't make yourself look like a psychopath.

After leaving there I was pretty soured.

I got an automated call from them. Telling me to come in at 9AM.

Then I was thinking about what I would buy with my first paycheck. I think some silly thing like a vintage toy.

I finally heard all of "Blood for Poppies". I missed it on the radio though. :( But I did get the free download from Garbage. ^-^ I put it on my MP3 player.

Worst Job Fair Ever!

My dad made me go to a job fair to get more jobs for my list. On the way over there I heard "Look Out Here Comes Tomorrow" by The Monkees on the radio.

This lady comes out; a fellow job seeker; tells us that the job fair has been moved. The lady was blond and looked ditzy. My dad was telling her something about the streets and the freeway. She gave him a look like she had no idea what he was talking about. I don't know why he says things like that to random people. Not that all blonds are ditzy though.

Signs you know you at a bad job fair. It got moved to another location and they didn't tell you.

That was it I'm not going to any job fair anymore with my dad. The last one I went to was bad, but this was a disaster! I don't mean on the part of the people hosting. Although that was bad in its own right. He just gets too annoyed with everything. He can be annoyed BY HIMSELF!

My dad signed up for it with a fake phone number; area code 666-6666 because he's evil. I gave a fake one too, but I just made up numbers. Why do they need your phone number anyway?

There wasn't really anything good there. Mostly staffing agencies. Which I'm still skeptical of. But I asked one place if they would take me with no experience and they said they would. I don't care if I gotta meet those job quotas. The thing was a bust anyway. I'm through with job fairs! Maybe I'll go to one if they happen to be at a school I'm attending if I got back to school again, but nothing else. To quote Comic Book Guy: "Worst Job Fair Ever!"

I saw an old episode of Soul train from 1993, and got all nostalgic. They danced to "Rump Shaker" in that episode. I love that song! All the old 90s fashion; chokers, crushed velvet dresses, booty shorts, boots, sports jackets and jerseys and more. Maybe if I watch more 90s episodes I'll take notes on it for my comic. (for the fashion)

Daddy Still Can't Type

So my dad found out that he needs to type 35 WPM. Good Luck with that. He says that he will take typing tests online. Which will suck. It will be like when tried to learn Excel. A bunch of screaming and expecting me to know it. The worst part was the stuff he was doing at home wasn't even his FUCKING HOMEWORK! HE WAS JUST PRACTICING! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!????

I AM NOT HELPING HIM!!!! He is on his own! I'm back to frozen hamburgers eaten over the sink and leaving for "quiet time".

I type 26 WPM which is a little below average. In the job class I took my teacher said the average was 30. I took a test online, and that's that it told me.

There is no way my dad is even close to that. His typing has improved, but not that much. Is typing is so bad I even wrote a parody song about it.

"It's art if I say it is"

I was thinking about how much people hate anime and manga style drawings, and how to them they all look the same. I think a lot of people hate that like everybody does it. I felt my art felt contrived. Maybe I'm any kind of artist. I never said I was really good at it. Just intermediate at best. (I'm being generous with myself)

I was thinking of hanging up the pencils.

I will be like Marcel Duchamp "It's art if I say it is." If you are up on your art history you know who he is.

Maybe I can use this to my advantage. (I can't say how yet. I'll see how everything plays out.)

I was supposed to get a call back from the store I interviewed at, but I didn't get one like I thought so. :(

Lookin' 4 Somethin'

I don't get why I keep getting emails for insurance sales jobs. I'm totally unqualified for that. I don't even have a license. I think they are like $250. Anyway I don't want to get into insurance sales. A license costs more than a Guard Card. I'm still wondering who this insurance will be sold to? Most people can't afford it. This is for life insurance.

Well I don't want what happened to my dad in the 80s happen to me. Back then he took classes to sell insurance because some "company" wanted to hire him. He needed "quiet time" back then and would send my mom and I off to the mall. (this explains my affinity for malls) Anyway by the time he got all his qualifications the "company" was closed and he stayed at his old job. This is also why when my dad does something really hard or needs a lot of concentration at home now I would voluntarily leave. (he put it in my head way back when)

I have a very simple and plain resume maybe it's because I'm simple and plain. Or just simple minded, but not too much.

While I was stressing out about the interview I was writing this down. "Brainstorm better job hunting persona name..." I also felt like I have to fight a battle to get a job. A battle against all those other people. I was going to use the word "war", but I thought it was insensitive to people who really fought in wars. I thought I'd use the word "strategery". I was also thinking about how much I like the song "Laugh". It's a goofy little song.

I can't listen to "I Wanna Be Free" anymore. It makes me too sad. I can't listen to Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt". It reminds me of Eddie Guerrero. I'm fine with the NIN version. I reminds me of the small span of time I was in yearbook. It was less than a month. But that is another story.

I also met a fellow jobseeker there who introduced himself to me. I hope he didn't think I was writing about him. I was writing about songs and how writing and drawing de-stresses me.

They had us stand in line to wait to be interviewed. It was funny because I was the 4th person in line! It was good I was high up in the line because there was only one person interviewing. It brought back memories of the Halloween store. The interviewer didn't look like any character from The Office.

I had seen a turkey hunting game at the mall on Friday and today I had to try it out. It's called Turkey Hunting USA. It looks like this. I don't condone hunting, but I thought it was a different video game theme besides the usual arcade game themes like racing, fighting games, games based on movies and DDR.

As I'm getting ready to leave some older gangster looking lady comes up to me and asks where some store is. I tell her where the directory is and she tells me she can't read. :/ :O Anyway I eventually found the store by reading the sign on it. (it was hard too because she was looking for a phone store and there are so many of those in the mall now) Maybe she should just memorize logos. That's how I use to find my favorite stores at the mall before I could read. Eventually I went to the mall so many times I just memorized their location.

Job Security

After I thought about it I know what job I should get if I can get cheap training for it. Security. I can be a jerk and get paid for it. It could be like that Seinfeld episode the Maestro "Stop It! Stop It! Stop It!" I can confiscate stuff too like gum, markers, lipstick and wallets. (Almost had my wallet taken by security for no reason. It didn't even have a chain on it.) I think a lot of security issues could be solved if people were told beforehand what they can and cannot bring to places. I don't mean like no brainer stuff like handguns. More like if a place doesn't allow gum or lipstick. Since these are common items that many people might have on them. Seriously I went to a place where one security guard took his job way too seriously, and another who played with his phone all day and smoked outside. They worked together. I guess they were the yin and yang of security.

I think another problem can be solved by banning purses from a lot of places and telling people beforehand that they are banned. I don't like purses. I think they get in the way and the styles are always changing. Plus I didn't start using a purse until I was 18 by choice. I find them so bothersome.

Or maybe I need to learn Mandarin. A lot of the jobs I see require that and English. Glee was wrong.

The thing is I just so frustrated about hearing what I can't do or why I'm the WRONG person for the job. Hell just lowball me now! But not for free.

You know you are in trouble when a job ad has the word "fun" in it. ex: "LOOKING FOR FUN PEOPLE!!!!!!" "A FUN SALES JOB!!!!!!!!" "*****NEED FUN AWESOME PEOPLE FIRED THE BORING PEOPLE*****" "NEED A FUN ROCKSTAR PERSON!!!!!!". What does "fun rockstar person even mean?"

You know I was thinking that moving out on a leap year in February isn't a bad idea. You get an extra day. February is still the shortest month.

If you saw the most recent episode of The Office and saw Jim spinning a sign. I spin signs like Jim. XD LOL!

Alter Job Ego

I got the same assignment again! Well except I have to look for more jobs than last time. 40 this time, and I have to do it for like 5 months. 5 FUCKING MONTHS! That means the 142 jobs plus the 40 per month for 5 months equal 342 fucking jobs!

More scared employees. More snobby workers. More everything! I'm goin' insane! I'm not gonna lie! Maybe my alter ego needs to come out. And not the job searching one either.

I'm not doing anything tomorrow it's a holiday! Leap Day!

I'm just going to cry and eat some candy and not because tomorrow is Leap Day. (cause I'm stuck with a crappy assignment)

Two Job Noobs

So I went to another place to get another one done for my assignment. When I get there I just start talking to some random people. I ask them about the job. They tell me they are not affiliated with that job. I felt like such job noob! Anyway I did find the right person and got an application. Good thing I did because a little while after the guy ran out of applications.

I know it's not really for me to say, but shouldn't employers know that a lot of people and I mean a lot or a copious of applicants. And make more than enough copies of a job application rather than just asking for somebody's phone number and/or email address.

The Vaguest of the Vague/I Have Nothing

The first half of this blog is about job searches online. The second and edited half is about Whitney Houston.

Job searches can be so boring online. I usually find myself doing something else like reading up on my fave celebs or something like that.

One of my favorite things to do is troll. I don't troll on message boards; I think that is annoying. I like to troll job sites and CL. I mean who do these people think they are!? Like the people who only want good looking people to work for them, the people who want free work and it's not a volunteer job, and the really vague ads like this.

"$$$$$$Want to earn MONEY??????!!!!!!$$$$$$

email me a message and I'll tell you how".

Uh...ok? *shrugs*

I like to reply to those with really strange and vague things. Hey, they started the vagueness first!

Ok, this is weird! This morning I was up online looking for this anti-smoking PSA that they use to show in California, and it had Paul Schrier in it AKA Bulk from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. (still haven't found that one)

Anyway I found this D.a.r.e. PSA. I thought about the future irony of it. Now it seems trivial, but wasn't at the time. I gotta cover my ass here.

My favorite songs are "I Have Nothing" and cover of "I'm Every Woman" which Oprah used as her theme song. "I Have Nothing" is such a hard song to sing. I hate when people sing it on talent programs, and just ruin it. I have it a feeling it will be sung a lot now.

Anyway then I started thinking about the Maya Rudolph impersonation and that scene from Martin where he going to sell shirts at a Whitney Houston concert.

Both Reeking of Desperation

It's the worst time to be mandated by the government to be out going around looking for jobs. The holiday season just ended, and summer hasn't started.

I thought I'd kill 9 birds with one stone, and go to the mall. There are a lot of places to potentially work at in one place. (I had gone to one place earlier in the week)

Here are some tips when you know a place is hurting: The store is pretty empty one associate/worker and hardly any items in it, the worker inside it reeks of desperation (ex: you are walking by the store and they are ready to pounce on you), the store looks like it is closing.

Let's see one place I went to they were so desperate they were giving some gross looking food samples. Here is something that bothers me why is it when people give samples of food they don't ask if you want some kind of sauce with it. They just assume and ruin the sample by putting sauce on it. I pass it by. They look confused, but I didn't ask for sauce. I'm not including pre-sauced items like a piece of chicken with glaze already on it.

I kept going into the Forever XXI. Not because I was interested in items. Ok a little, but only because I was looking for the new Glee items that were mentioned on Twitter. They were not in stock. I just kept going through there because it leads to an exit, and it was near the restaurants I was trying to apply to. I gotta look for food jobs.

When I was walking to the bus stop I noticed there was a carnival being setup in the parking lot. There was a very interesting fish painted on the merry-go-round. It made me think of Mr. Burns and CM Punk. It took me a few tries to get a good picture of it with my phone. This was the best one.

Spanish or Mandrarin?

I felt Glee was heavy handed in it's message. It's slowly creeping into season 2. People will only be speaking Spanish? What about Mandarin? At least Sugar got a scene in the episode. How did Will get a Spanish teacher job did he study with Senior Chang from Community? That confused me. And does Sue even teach anything? Besides the coach as the Cheerios?

No Selena or Shelia E. or Reggaton!?

Raising Hope was funny when Burt had all his finical papers all over the floor. It reminds me of my dad when he is doing any finical paperwork. Boy am I glad I'm an independent for the student aid now. Now I don't have to deal with my dad doing something like that.

Plus the dad made them leave so he could concentrate my dad always does that! It's funny when he does stuff like that now and I voluntary leave. What!? (You put that in my head dad :P)

I calculated how many jobs I had to look for It's 142!

10 the first time
120 the second time
30 this time

Hello!? there are none!

I also wouldn't be so pissed, but my piece of junk printer broke again! I'm letting my dad deal with it since he is "the smart one" XD and he knows so much about computers!

He wanted to do stuff at the library! I'm not putting my precious and untainted drive in some crappy ass virus riddled computer at the library. The library is no good anyway; you only get 1 hour to do something. There are computer vultures who hover and swoop them even when it is not their turn! Anyway that is not enough time to fill out an online application anyway. You have to spend at least an hour doing those evaluation tests.

This is just like the last time when they wanted me to do 10 jobs with printouts and my internet decided to act stupid and cut off like every 10 minutes. Try finishing a job application online while that is happening and not get mad!?

Also because the printer broke and it's an all in one and I can't find the old scanner and I really wanted to enter some drawing contests. I love you broken printer!

I just want to get this stupid assignment over with I don't even care about the trickery anymore. I don't care if every single place I went to threw away the applications themselves out of fear. As long as it was done!

Give the Middle Finger!

My dad is still pissed about the sign spinner job. I did work for free for 15 minutes. I think I didn't get the job because I sucked at it. I think I need more practice, and my own props. It's hard to do sign tricks in a Statue of Liberty gown. Maybe I need to do what I see the lazy sign spinners doing they get some kind of stick like a broom or a crutch then they tie the sign to that and wiggle the sick. Plus he's doing that thing again where he thinks because I'm good at something I can get a job doing it. Hello!? Really!? I have no experience or degree. I only want to finish school to shut you up!

I got a new assignment I have to go around and beg for jobs at physical places and document it. So degrading and hard! Don't the social workers realize a lot of these people don't have cars? Plus they give you worthless tokens. They are only good for the metro!

Which made me think about McDonald's what if all the employes are scared and want to save their asses and trick me? I feel this is not an isolated incident. And I got a lot of conflicting information. Some people told me that a lot of places "accept" applications, but they don't do anything with them because they don't need anybody and the time and then just throw them out. So what would be the point of wasting your time going to some place filling out an application and they just throw it away because they are constantly accepting them? Or maybe it is a high turnover rate?

M.I.A. you are a smarty. You are great!

Speaking of halftime shows I have some good proposed parings for next year.
Weird Al and Katy Perry a California boy and a California Gurl.
Ted Nugent and Eminen
Give No Doubt a whole show last time they were on they shared it with Shania Twain.
Blink-182
Lana Del Ray and the Monkees old and new
Justin Beber and Barenaked Ladies
Maroon 5

Life Liberty and the Pursuit of Money

I went to apply for a Statue of Liberty waver job. I figured why not? I don't have any experience, and the job didn't call for any besides a high school diploma; which I already have. I didn't want to go the day before because going to a job interview on your birthday would be really depressing.

The DVD they showed for training was one of the most cheesiest things I ever saw. I wonder if there is one up on youtube or something. It could literally be a parody of a job training video. Plus they wanted the employee to do crazy things like handstands. (I could never do those) I'm not going to attempt gymnastic moves and get hurt and fall in the street. In a nutshell the DVD is essentially telling you to look crazy and perky and have fun doing it.

I sucked at it I was tired before I got there, and I really had no idea what I was suppose to be doing. They want you to twirl the sign like a baton, but you can't really. The sign is bulky and heavy and not stick shaped. I can twirl a baton or other stick shape items like brooms or mops.

There were a few problems along the way. I almost caused an accident on the street and I tore my pants on the cuff.

I'm really desperate for money!

Harajuku Hamburger

I had to help the lackey at the supermarket deli measure a 1/6th of a pound. This is what I'm talking about some lackey who can't convert measurements has a job in a supermarket deli, and I don't? I stopped caring anymore and will do most anything for money. I've dropped my standards, morals, and dignity. It's really desperate and sad now. Nobody realizes how desperate I am not my parents, not potential employers, not people providing services in a community setting. NOBODY! Plus seasonal hiring is over, and I missed it! And I'm moving which adds more insult to try and finding a job.

Which leads me to another story I decided to try Jarlsberg cheese. I wanted to because Shirley likes it. I didn't like it. Well i ate it plain. It might taste different in a sandwich. I'm not big on Muse either.

I saw the commercial for Gwen's HL line at target. At first I thought it was a commercial for hamburgers. But then I heard the song "Harajuku Girls" play, and I thought "What a strange song to use to promote hamburgers"

Note to Gwen: If you ever do make a hamburger for a restaurant I'd buy one (I have a great name for it "A Little Something Refreshing")