I don’t know what is wrong with me. I use to think I knew who I was, but maybe I don’t. I don’t think of myself as a “fake” person I mean I’m not in your face or anything like that. Usually if I don’t like you I’ll avoid you.
That’s the reason I used this lyric from “Run Baby Run” as my title. If you want to read a blog about me gushing over that song; you can read that here. Should I wear a red sweatshirt?
Maybe I don’t really know who I am. I mean I know what I like and all that stuff. I keep feeling if I commit to something school or career wise I won’t like, and I’ll be tapped there. I also don’t want to train for an obsolete career. Lots of careers are going the way of the dodo. I just want to get paid for something I love to do. People like that are very fortunate.
I love this quote from Butch Vig about being a producer. “Take your classes, ask questions, absorb everything, then you have to
JUST DO IT!
There's no amount of reading or classes that can prepare you as much as going into a room with a group of people and making a recording...even if you don't know what your doing! I didn't when I started...I made a lot of mistakes, but I learned along the way. I never took any classes, I found an old warehouse space, bought a cheap 8 track with my buddy Steve (from Garbage), and we went to local punk clubs and offered bands to come and record for free, just to get them into the studio.
We were broke, with no idea how to run a business, but man oh man I didn't want to do anything else. I poured myself into it, sometimes working over 80 hours a week...and slowly, very slowly, I learned how to record and how to work with bands.
I'm still learning!
Good luck, and have fun!"
I’m not interested in being one though.
Maybe I should get into medical billing, or pharmacy school, or even be a librarian? My dad says you need to know a lot about books to be a librarian, but that is not true anymore.
My experience with librarians has been unhelpful. Three separate times with three separate librarians I dealt with were incompetent. I’m not saying all of them are; just these ones. I went to the library looking for some material on Freud. When I asked if they had any stuff on Freud the librarian had no idea who I was talking about. I had to repeat Freud’s name a few times. I don’t know isn’t Freud still pretty famous? I mean I know he’s been dead for a while and all.
Another time I went to the library looking for some Sylvia Plath material. The librarian had no idea who she was. The librarian didn’t even know what kind of books Plath wrote. I had to tell the librarian that Plath was a poet; although she did write the novel The Bell Jar. I wasn’t looking for that I was looking for her poetry. Perhaps Freud and Plath aren’t as famous as I thought they were?
Another time I had to do research on a paper for my US Government Honors class. Seriously I did more research for that class than I ever did for any class since including “real” college. “Dude” we had to do a lot of research. (This is a reference to the teacher it makes no sense if you didn‘t have him.):P Anyway I had to get information about a Constitutional Amendment, and I couldn’t really find much information on it. I was writing on the 26th one which is the one that lowered the voting age from 21 to 18. The best ones to get were the ones on prohibition or slave or women’s voting rights. (Amendments 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, and 21) I chose this one which I thought would have been easy to write about. This was back when I didn’t have the internet, so I couldn’t just go online and get information about it. The librarian was very rude to me, and told me that I needed to get the internet. She was not very helpful at all, and acted like it was a huge bother to help me get the information I needed.
I think about this quote from the show Glee: “Now-a-days being anonymous is worse than being poor. Fame is the most important thing in our culture now. And if there is one thing I've learned it is that no one is just going to hand it to you.” I could not agree more with it. I must be screwed over double because I’m poor and anonymous.
I’m still having a problem promoting myself. I don’t know why but it just doesn’t feel “right” to me.
After talking to some other family members (not my parents) I decided maybe I will go back to school I’m just not exactly sure how to execute it. Especially since I ran into a little more “chaotic randomness” since the school I wanted to go to, and the closest one to where I live since I moved might lose it’s accreditation. I don’t want to deal with that. I heard it might turn into a for profit school.
So my dad told me that I should go back to school. He told me that I should go the closest one to where I live because it is a good school when he took some classes there. Yeah in the 80s! Things are a lot different, and he just doesn’t understand. I just have a feeling I’m trusting my intuition here. Maybe I should just go back to my old school. If I do I won’t have to gather all my transcripts. Oh yeah I just want to say that I want to go back to school. It’s not because my dad is pressuring, forcing, or threatening me to go.
I feel that mentioning the US Constructional Amendments is relevant to the blog and not really of a political nature. I think it’s more of a historical one.
Maybe my problem is fear with a mix of assumptions and indecisiveness.