I'm just a Sucker with no Self Esteem

Emma’s parents reminded me of my blond obsessed grandma. Preserving the red. Parental stress can drive any child to a “quirk”. I know when my dad pissed me off I do my quirk. It reminded me of this old self esteem quiz that I read in a magazine back when I was in high school that said you had low self esteem if you are embarrassed of your parents. Stupid magazine quiz! Look at this girl she exudes self esteem!

I'm not embarrassed of both my parents; just my dad. Although he has given me a wealth of materiel to write about.

Redheads will be extinct soon, so will the white blond haired blue eyed male. My dad is an endangered species. This is true I saw it on a reputable news program. Maybe I should put him on exhibit like in that Twilight Zone episode.

What Kurt told Rachel was a variation of the “whole lot of middle” speech. I still hope this isn't a Kurt-centric season like the last one was. He's been the focus in 2 of the 3 season 3 episodes. There were a few other references to season 1. Like the Asian vampires.

Giving Mike Chang some character development was nice.

I guess the new plotline will be dueling glee clubs within the same school? That's what it looked like in the previews.

As I was watching that show on prohibition in the US I was thinking "I'm glad I don't have to take notes on this right now". Too bad that is one of the non-marketable skills I'm good at.

Happy Fryday!

I'm looking for some dry shampoo. I want to find an inexpensive one. That is one of my new hunts.

The new Jack in the box fries are more McDonalds like and that is not a compliment. They are crispier and usually crispier fries means smaller fries in width. Luckily they aren't as small as McDonalds ones. The supreme croissant there is ok, but it's too salty. It has ham and bacon.

Speaking of fast food. I think I'm going to make my own Double Down type sandwich. I'm going to use only lettuce and mayonnaise. Well besides the 2 chicken patties.

It's funny since yesterday I was thinking about Shirley blogging. Well it was because we discuseed blogs in class and what people like to read. Although I didn't mention I like to read celebrity blogs. Jim Ross and Shirley Manson. Well I wouldn't say I read Shirley's facebook notes in class. Somebody might try and friend me by that or something, and I'm not taking that risk.

Bad Presents from Grandma

Ok first off I want to say that my blond obsessed grandma is notorious for giving bad gifts. This is not just because I’m older now. She’s been giving bad gifts since I can remember. It’s not just as I’ve gotten older she use to give bad gifts when I was a kid. The problem with me was that my birthday was too close to Christmas. I don’t really see how it is so close. Christmas falls on the 25th of December, and birthday is on January 10th. You know I have a cousin who has a birthday closer to Christmas than mine. Anyway she would give my 3 cousins who are close in age to me (including the on whose birthday is in December) all the same gift for Christmas, and I would get something else. When it was my birthday I would get an identical or nearly identical gift to the one my cousins received for Christmas. How do I know this? My mother also thought this was unfair and asked my grandma why she did it, and my grandma told her about my birthday being too close to Christmas. It’s not like I can change my birthday. I know it came from my mom, but I trust what she told me.

The dolls; did I write about the dolls? I forget sometimes I tell that story so much. Back when I was really little like 4. Anyway my 3 cousins who are close in age to me and I received dolls. I can remember if any other granddaughters received them besides the 4 of us. Anyway my cousin who I mentioned before got the best doll; a blond bride doll. My grandma tired to cover it up and “claim” they were all story book characters, and that her doll was Cinderella. Her older sister was mad; she received a Little Red Riding Hood doll. I got a “Goldilocks” doll that was a brunette! I’m not sure how that works. That’s who my grandma claimed she was. I’m not exactly sure who she was perhaps Little Miss Muffet? The funny thing is in the picture of us with the dolls the 3 of us look pissed off.

Ridiculously small clothes this gets its own 2 paragraphs. I just want to say that I did the research and looked through my paper writings; I could not find the year that I got the tiny red sweater. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess 2008 which would have been Christmas 2007. I don’t know the end of 2007 through the beginning of 2008 was kind of messy I was preoccupied with a deteriorating friendship. Anyway my parents come back with the presents. My mom tells me she got a sweater. When I open my present I got one too. The sweater was really small and smelled like perfume. It wasn’t my grandma’s perfume or even my mom’s. It was eventually donated.

Recently I received from her 2 ridiculously small shirts. When I opened the bag I took them out and I was disappointed and laughing; laughing to hide my disappointment. They were size 7 juniors. I haven’t worn a size 7 juniors top since I was in 6th grade. I show them to my dad who coincidentally got a shirt that was too large for him. I showed them how small they were. He said they were too small to fit my other cousins who are around my age. My dad tells me that the shirts look like they could fit a 10 year old. The worst thing was there were no tags on the shirts. SHE TOOK THEM OFF! I COULDN’T EVEN RETURN THEM IF I WANTED TO! I mean even if she got them on clearance or whatever I could have taken them back to the store for credit or something. She knows I’m not a size 7 and haven’t been for years. I was “porking out” the last time I visited her. I think is a ploy by her to find out how fat I’ve gotten, and to be honest I wouldn’t put it past her ‘cause she’s like that. These shirts will probably be donated too.

Let’s what were some of the better presents she gave… the faux garnet jewelry, a bracelet, a back scrubbing sponge, my stuffed lion I named Van Go, a snowglobe, an Aladdin sweatshirt, a play cooking set. Um… that’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

I hate to quote Sally from a Charlie Brown but, “If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?” I wouldn't be stuck with ridiculously small clothes.

Worrying About Silly Things

I've been worrying about some silly things.

I don't know why I still think there is something wrong with me for not liking Lady Gaga. I don't know what is worse; me not liking her or worrying about it.

I was thinking I will be 30 soon. I thought I should dress more mature now that I'm going to be 30. Actually the phrase "dressing more mature" sounds like something a kid would say when be or act like a grown up or something. What do I think a 30 year old dresses like? I think they are polished in the way they dress; sophisticated. You know it's important to dress your age. Not too old and not too young.

I also need better hair. I mean I don't have strange teenager hair or anything like that. You know over teased or wacky colored streaks. I thought when I turn 30 I will need a more grown up hairstyle and possibly bangs since I'm getting older. Oh yeah and better color work.

Well I have about 4 years to start working on that; especially the hair. I'm notorious for having bad hairstyles/unkempt hair.

Miscellaneous Blog #24

Was my last blog out of hand? Well whatever I'm not deleting it. I still think it's wrong to make fun of gay people. But enough about that.

I have a gripe with Dinosaur King. I'm not really into this traveling through time thing. It reminds me way too much of Flying House. There are many similarities; there are 3 kids (2 boys and a girl) and there is a robot. Of course Flying House is biblically based though.

You know I thought I was going to look "funny" with red hair, but I don't. Seriously I didn't think it would match my skin tone. Ok I'm not very fair or olive complected. I'm somewhere in between that. I just thought I wouldn't look right since I'm a natural brunette. I still haven't tried to pull off blond yet.

I'm also working hard at going back to school. I wonder why do people think you need to get a 2 year degree, and that you can't just start off at a 4 year university? But like I said before I need to get back to school because if I say at home bickering with my dad I will go insane. Anyway I'm going to try and take a new approach to school. With the economy being bad and all. I know I am going to have to be one thing. Hardworking? No. Attentive? No. The word is "ruthless". It's going to be much more competitive than it was before. But I told myself this time I wouldn't be snobby. Even if I do run into that annoying girl I don't like.

Ginger Love

I never really realized that I have a thing for redheads too. I know I do for blonds due to the successful brainwashing by my grandma. Of course she hates any hair color that is not blond. I remember how mad she was when some of my cousins dyed their blond hair red because that was the trend back then. This was back in like the mid to late 90s when red hair was really trendy.

To be honest I think it started with Ariel and Holly.

Here is a list I’ve complied of my favorite redheads. Some are real people and some are fictional characters. If you don’t like or disagree with my list then make your own.

Sassette
Ariel
Miss BG
Conan O’Brien
Shirley Manson
Pepper Ann
Holly Hallstrom (my favorite Price is Right model)
Gadget (is she a redhead? I thought she was a blond)
Gosylan
Elmyra
The Undertaker
Alfred E. Newman
Annie

The one thing I always wondered is why was there not a red haired Sailor in Sailor Moon. I’m not including the Amazoness Quartet. I mean the main ones. I remember making a fan character called “Sailor Sun” who is a redhead.

I was also going to include Ichigo Momomiya from Tokyo Mew Mew (aka Zoey from Mew Mew Power), but her hair is only red when she is not a Mew. When she is a Mew it’s pink.

Cheese Steak

Ok so I was slacking off again today. I was suppose to have a blog ready, but I don't. The list I'm compiling for my blog is taking longer than expected. I do have 2 new blogs for The Rant Blog that are almost ready to go.

After much debating I polished my nails red and black. After I looked at my nails they reminded me of Harley Quinn from Batman or maybe playing card suits. That wasn't intentional though. I just couldn't decide.

I've been getting a lot of hits to my blog recently. Apparently people are looking up the phrase "slutty __ costume". They are reading the Sexy Nostalgia ones parts 1-4 and the blog I wrote about slutty and non-slutty costumes.

I was thinking about trying to make my own yarn falls, but I don't know yet.

I'm so tempted to do something with my hair, but I told myself I was not going to touch it (cut or dye) until November. Ok maybe late October if I can incorporate it into some type of costume. I did because I got really upset in August and rashly cut my hair. It's still growing out.

In other hair related subjects has anybody else heard about leaving the shampoo in your hair for 5 minutes to get it to work. I thought this was common knowledge, but my mom claims it's not.

Had another cheese steak sandwich today. I love those sandwiches. That is authentic cheese steak. When I go to Philly I'm going to eat a cheese steak sandwich from Domino's like when Micheal from The Office said he was going to eat New York pizza at a Sbarro's.

The Dawn of September

September is upon us now. It came so quickly. Labour day is next week. Yeah I spelled it the British way. Pretty soon it will be October, and then Christmas and then my birthday.

I have big plans for this month. Well actually talking about them isn't going to do anything I have to act on them. First up is the neighborhood yard sale. I'm going to be more prepared than last time. Hopefully people buy something. Then I'm off to my next venture. But I'm taking one thing at a time.

I'm working on some more blogs about Halloween costumes; slutty and non-slutty.

How likely is it for all the tv and radio towers to burn down on Mt. Wilson? You know people said they were going to burn down on Sunday night. I'm really wondering what would happen? Well I have a DVD ready in the player in case there is no tv.

You know I still haven't changed layout for my myspace page. I updated my lastfm profile, so I'm not touching that for a while. Maybe I'll change my facebook profile pic this month. To something that represents me better. I'm also thinking about changing the background on my twitter page again.

I went shopping today, and I bought a lot of hair accessories. I bought a purple hair band with a bow on the side as an impulse buy. It reminded me of Stella from Winx Club. Her season 1 casual/civilian outfit.
I like hair bands. They remind me of Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl too. Blair always looks so polished.

Defected Rival

I’ve mentioned before about how much I wanted to be like my blond cousins. What ever they were doing I wanted to do it too. No matter how stupid it looked. This what I would do. I would see them doing something “cute” that my grandma would fawn over. Then I would go and do the same “cute” thing in front of my cousins on my mom’s side. My cousins would just be confused by the “cute” things I did, and not particularly wowed by my actions. I would be very confused and usually say “My grandma thinks this is funny.” Then I would get a lecture from my mom about not trying to be like my cousins.

Besides imitating them I also wanted to be like them in ways I really couldn’t besides being blond. One of them also didn’t like that I was younger than her and taller. What can I say? She has short parents. They are all petite. I think this is one of the many reasons I dislike my height.

Like I’ve mentioned before I always wanted to be around them. I wanted their good qualities to rub off on me. Even if I wasn’t a “blond baby”. I could be “almost as good”.

In my last blog about this subject I mentioned this. I said I wanted to be elusive. I will say now that I have “defected”. I feel that I’m not on the same level as them. Whatever I am now I’m not like them. I don’t know if this is good or bad.

The hardest part is probably convincing myself that I need to do my own thing. Maybe this stems from the rivalry my grandma had between my cousin and I. We are very close in age. I felt that she could do everything before I could. She could answer the phone before me, drive a car (ok still working on that one), graduate college (still working on that one too), and blow her nose. Maybe I just thought there was a rivalry and my cousin is not even aware of it? Was it all my grandma’s doing? The funny thing is that she would always lie about my cousin like she said she got a scholarship when it was really a government grant. We learned about this from another relative.

Song that fits the blogs theme “Everything to Everyone” by Everclear.

Miscellaneous Blog #17

Ok I’m here with another miscellaneous blog.

I took a trip to the 99 Cents store and I saw these big hair clips and they made me think of Gwen. I tried a new kind of ramen called Panda Noodles. They were ok for being only 17 cents. I hope to buy another bag to review them.

I changed the layout of my twitter page. Since it’s August. I was getting bored with that picture of Tare Panda. Do you like my new background picture?

I should really change my myspace layout too. I think it looks “too scene” or something. At first I liked it, but now I realized it’s not my style. I’m thinking bold colors this time.

August just crept up on me. I’d better start planning out my Halloween costume now. I only have about 2 months. I still can’t decide what to be or what kind of costume will fit into my budget.

This also means that American football season is starting soon.

I’m working on writing a birthday message for Shirley on her facebook wall. The problem I’m having is that I don’t want to write something too cheesy, inane, or cliché.

But it’s not just Shirley’s birthday in August. It’s also fellow Garbage member Butch Vig’s birthday, and Adrian Young and Tony Kanal’s from No Doubt.

Did you know that the month that the most babies are born in is August? The day of the week with the most births is Tuesday. I was born on a Tuesday, but not in August.

I cut my hair again. It’s been too hot, and I needed a change. Too bad I cut too much off again. I hope it grows back by November. I think all the faded red is gone now. When did I dye my hair red? Back in late January? Maybe if I keep listening to song “Bleed Like Me” it’ll make my hair grow.

I realized why I like those frozen hamburgers from the Dollar Tree they taste like those bland school hamburgers I liked so much. I have no idea why I like those bland school hamburgers. A lot of people hated those. The funny thing was that every school I ever went to the hamburgers always tasted the same.

I got a few blogs cooking, so I have a lot of material now. It just needs to be posted.

Remember be bold, but not imprudent.

I Prefer Blonds

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always had this desire to be a blond. It was never secret either. I was very vocal about this.

I know I have a thing for blonds. This can be easily explained by conditioning by my grandma on my father’s side. All she would ever do was fuss over her “blond babies”. Seriously that’s what she would call them. I was the brown headed grandchild. I use to feel so left out.

I tried very hard to belong though. I thought maybe if I hung out with them maybe I would be more like them even if I wasn’t a blond. When we would take a picture it looked like a segment out of Sesame Street “One of these things is not like the others”. The funny thing is now that I’m older, and I have “let my self go” in the past few years. I don’t want to visit them because I’m not all caught up in the beauty contest. I don’t want them to see me like this. I want to be like the Undertaker. I want to be elusive. It wouldn’t hurt if I could choke slam people either. :P

You know my grandma is not a natural blond although she claims she was. Her “story” is that when she was a child she got sick (I‘m not sure what her ailment was) and all her hair fell out. This was probably about 70 years ago. She said it grew back dark. She says she was blond, but her hair photographed dark. The funny thing is all the other blond people in the photos had their hair photograph white. This was back when there was only black and white photos. My hair photographs dark too…oh wait it is dark. For some strange reason in my 4th grade class photo it looks black. The funny thing is people ask me how I was born with brown hair since my mom has black hair and my dad is a blond. I don’t know I guess the colors just mixed. Too bad I couldn’t be like Rini/Chibiusa she has a blond and black haired parent, and was born with pink hair. Her red eyes look a little creepy though. Here’s a picture of her for reference.
How I got my light colored eyes well that was just the double recessive gene. I think?...

I hate the color brown in all forms not just for hair. I hate brown clothes and shoes. I remember reading in a magazine that the way you feel about colors has to do with your childhood like if you are brought up in the west then you would associate black with death and white with weddings. If you were born in the east you would associate white with death and red with weddings. I also hate the color navy blue because I associate it with school uniforms.

My blond preference was very evident. As a child I preferred blond dolls. I use to want be friends with blond kids just cause they were blonds. I know now that was pretty discriminatory.

Here is a list of some of my favorite fictional blonds: Stella, Bubbles, Sailor Moon, Phoebe, Angelica I’m not all about the blonds though. There are some characters I like who are not blond like Punky Brewster, Ariel, and Dorie/Doremi.

Springtime

It feels like spring now. It didn’t for a while and we are like a month into the season.

It was so hot I was wearing my hair in that hairstyle that I stole from Shirley; the one with the 2 braids coming out of the ponytail. I guess my hair has been getting really long; my mom noticed it. I haven’t cut it since like August or September.

Now since it’s warmer I’m thinking about a new haircut to get. You know I’m like Dwight from The Office and I can and do cut my own hair. It saves a lot of money. I like to cut my hair really short, but not to short I have to make odangos or pigtails with my hair if I need to. Not little ones either really big fat ones about the size of my fist. I need it to be long enough so that it I did do a bad job of cutting it I can hide it with some creative hairstyling. I haven’t decided if I’m going to copy Shirley’s hair again or not. Maybe I’ll copy an anime character’s hairstyle. My hair is acting funny again anyway. My overgrown bangs grew much longer on one side and this is really noticeable when I part my hair down the middle. My hair is also uneven in length. The left side is a lot shorter than the right side.

For some reason my hair looks red again. I don’t know why. I feel like I have doll hair. Like from those old dolls from the 80s and 90s that had hair that changed color in the sun. I know this was a selling point of certain Barbies and My Little Ponies. It’s red in the sunlight, but purple in other light. Strange.

I bought some nail polish today on clearance. It was only 70 cents. When I saw it I thought about Shirley. I usually don’t wear blue nail polish. I don’t really like the color blue. I should have picked up some matching blue eye shadow while I was thinking about it. I was looking for lavender nail polish.

Also now that it is warmer I can walk to that sushi restaurant that is like a block away. The sushi looks good there. I’m not a sushi freak, but I like that one with the prawn on it. What’s the name of that one? They use to send menus to my old house, and the pictures of the food looked good. I better buy some grapefruit seed extract before I eat some sushi.

Miscellaneous Blog #3

I noticed there were a lot of mistakes in my previous blog and it needs a lot of editing.

It was so hot yesterday I was wearing a hairstyle I stole from Shirley. I haven’t worn that hairstyle since August. I think on her birthday. She was born on August 26th you know. She’s a Virgo. It couldn’t wear it with the length my hair was back then the little braids made my neck really itchy. My hair is longer now so the braids just rest on my shoulders. Plus I don’t wear my ponytail as high on my head as she is in the picture. I like to keep mine at ear level.



Later I got the idea why not steal and wear 2 of her hairstyles at the same time? Since my bangs are too short to be pulled back and they kind of fall over my left eye. I thought I can steal her bangs style from that video. I’ll wear my hair in the back in the 2 braids and have my long bangs in the front. I can have Version 2.0 era hair and Beautifulgarbage at the same time. I’m not cutting as short as she has it in the “Androgyny” video. People would mistake me for a man and I could go in the men’s room as long as a urinal doesn't kill me.. “I’ll free your mind”, alright “and the rest will follow“. People already mistake me for a guy when I wear my hair back. I don’t like to wear my hair down because it looks too “messy”. I can’t win! I think Shirley’s hair in the “Androgyny” video looks like Tecna’s hair from the Winx Club. There are a lot of similarities; especially with the bangs.





I decided that the blog that is frustrating me should just be broken up into parts; at least 2 of them. I’m not even talking about or including the companion blogs that go with it.

Since March Madness started today I have a funny little blog posted in my archives about what happened to me last year when I tried to watch the CSUF game. It was posted on the 29th, but it really happened on the 20th.

My dad is such a computer N00B. He didn’t know what a browser is. He clicks on the X on those banner ads because he thinks that will close them. It just makes more.